6. The development of emotional instability
Borderline personality disorder develops over a long time. The development of emotional instability cannot be explained by any single experience or personal characteristic. It is thought that there are a variety of exposing factors – i.e. things that increase the likelihood of a person developing emotional instability.
It was commonly thought in the past that people are born into the world as blank canvases. Today, it has been established that even newborn babies have various innate tendencies and characteristics. These characteristics have an impact on how we experience the world around us, interaction, our own behaviour and how other people see us.
The development of emotional instability is illustrated with a biosocial model. According to the model, emotional regulation skills remain inadequate when an innately sensitive child grows up in an environment in which they do not, for one reason or another, learn the emotional skills they need to cope with their sensitivity.
The video below provides more information on how emotional instability develops.
How does BPD develop?
Temperament means our innate, hereditary abilities, tendencies and reaction styles. These characteristics are relatively permanent and form the basis for the development of our personality.
Of common temperament characteristics, negative emotionality (a tendency to experience intense negative emotions) and a low level of self-direction are associated with emotional instability. Studies have shown that other common factors predisposing a person to emotional instability include thrill seeking among men and security seeking among women.
Biological vulnerability means that a person’s temperament carries emotional sensitivity and a tendency to feel strong negative emotions. In such a case, negative emotions in particular are triggered more easily and felt more intensely than normal, and even a relatively minor event can give rise to almost unbearable emotional states. These characteristic can be seen in infants, e.g. as proneness to crying.
No temperament is good or bad in and of itself. However, sometimes a child’s growth environment is poorly suited for their temperament. For example, parents who are socially very active may not understand the needs of a socially withdrawing child. The parents may ignore the child’s need to approach situations slowly or see the child’s withdrawing nature as a weakness. In such a case, the parents may inadvertently regard the child in a manner that causes them to feel that there is something inherently wrong with them.
Stressful life events are also a factor contributing to emotional dysregulation among people who have an emotionally sensitive temperament. Examples of such events include relationship crises or financial difficulties. Of course, these events can cause anyone to feel anxiety and stress, but an emotionally sensitive person can have a highly intense reaction to them. Recurring negative emotional experiences can make the person more prone to issues such as depression.
A person’s growth environment in their childhood and youth has a significant impact on the development of emotional instability. A dismissive, invalidating growth environment means an environment in which the child’s needs are neglected – often inadvertently – or that is more directly harmful or dangerous.
The video below provides information on how a person’s growth environment affects the development of their emotional regulation skills.
Invalidating social environments
Different environments can be invalidating to different temperaments. Much like different animals or plants thriving in different environments due to their different innate needs, people thrive the best in their childhood when their environment suits their temperament. However, people can learn to regulate their emotions and cope in a wide variety of situations.
When growing up in an invalidating environment, a child will not learn to tolerate difficult situations due to not receiving adequate support for regulating difficult emotions. They may not learn to identify and name their emotions or trust their own feelings about and interpretations of events.
If a child feels that they are not being heard, they may learn to resort to extreme measures to get their environment to react. For example, they can feel that self-harm is the only way to make others understand how unbearable their emotional state is. If a child is given unattainable goals in their growth environment (e.g. they are not allowed to cry) and punished for failures, they may internalise a notion of themselves that they are somehow bad or a failure. This may cause the child to start punishing themselves for ‘failures’.
A person’s attachment bond style means their internalised notion of other people and relationships. The attachment style is formed during the first years of a person’s life. It stays relatively unchanged throughout the person’s life, and in adulthood, the attachment style is activated in transitional stages in life, as well as stressful or traumatic situations. The most common attachment style is a secure one. Emotional dysregulation is often related to an insecure or disorganised attachment bond.
A secure attachment style is formed when a child feels that they are provided with security when distressed. A safely attached child is not afraid to study and explore the world because they know that they can rely on their parent if needed. As an adult, a safely attached person is able to express their emotions even in stressful situations because they assume that they will be heard and helped.
An insecure-ambivalent attachment style may develop if a child grows up in an inconsistent environment. If the child’s parent has fluctuating and unpredictable reactions to their expressions of emotion, they will learn to be wary and attempt to predict the adult’s emotional states. They may try to aim to behave in a manner that does not cause the adult to have negative reactions, yet they may also seek the adult’s attention through extreme expressions of emotion. In adulthood, an ambivalently attached person will often observe other people’s emotional reactions and aim to avoid conflicts at the expense of their own emotions.
An insecure-avoidant attachment style develops in an environment with scarce emotional expression. The child learns to avoid expressing their emotions as they internalise the notion that their emotions have no effect on the parents. In adulthood, it may be difficult for an avoidantly attached person to trust others and allow people to get close.
A disorganised/disoriented attachment style is the most closely associated with psychological symptoms. Such an attachment style can develop in an environment that is very inconsistent and harmful to the child. The child’s parents have been unreliable or even dangerous.